You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
