So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
