Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
