hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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