i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
