He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
