I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
