I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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