Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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