...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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