So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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