Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
