Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
