He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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