You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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