She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
