While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
