It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
