you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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