remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
