I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
