Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
