this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
