my mouth tastes like poor choices
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
