here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
