remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
