Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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