ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Houston, we have a squirter
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
