I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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