low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
