first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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