Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
