I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
