It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
