worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
