That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
