hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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