What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
