That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
