New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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