well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
