How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
