So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
