It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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