do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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