Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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