you win again, gameday.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
