It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
