i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
