I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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