You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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