Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
