it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
