did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
