So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
